Walmart

You gotta be ready for anything when you go to Walmart with me. Every single time(okay more like 9 out of 10) I go to our local WM, something out of the ordinary happens to me. I don't mean getting stuck in the line where you're next, but then that dang light starts flashing for management. Annoying, yes; tragic, no. My friends loved this story, and I'll admit after some time had passed, I did, too.

I had the bright idea late one weekend afternoon for us all to go to Walmart. Together. As a family. Okay, right there. That snarky reaction you just had? That was the same thing my husband did. Whatever. Okay, so we go. I've got the baby (2) in my buggy, Jason's got the 3YO in his, and the 10 year old is walking alongside. We are on the main, big, wide aisle, when 10 announces she needs highlighter markers for school. Hard right turn and we're walking that direction, then the baby does a cough/vomit, I step in it with my cute Payless sandals, and out goes my right leg--my left leg goes straight back and I am doing a full-on split in front of God and the world. I'm still gripping the buggy handlebar, so it's now ramped up into the air. The baby is so low to the ground that her feet nearly touch.
We lock eyes. Hers say, "What the @#&% are you doing?" and mine say, "What the %#$& just happened?" Thankfully, 10 yells "Mama!" and hurls all 79lbs onto the ramped up end and bring it back down to the floor. I get up, walk over to the hightlighters and start looking for the ones she wants like nothing e v e r happened. My husband, who took his time trailing over and being seen with me suddenly rememered the dog needed food, and said that's where he'd be. Right. To make a long story a little shorter, the baby threw up full blast on aisle 11. I sent 10 over and aisle to get paper towels to help me clean her up. Bless her heart! She brings back a two-pack of Great Value towels, not $15 worth of Bounty. I am raising this girl right. Next I send her to the Deli for help. They send someone over to really clean it up, and after a 3 minute apology, I head to the next aisle. Yes, I keep shopping! We didn't have squat in the pantry. I sure wasn't about to re-do all this. Now, we meet up again with Hubby and the 3YO. How convenient. He took the little ones out to the van and 10 and I finished up our shopping. When I got out to the car, I laughed my fool head off at how stupid I must have looked. Hubby even told me he'd overheard some lady saying, "Oh. Her baby th'owed up and she done slipped in it." They didn't stop to see if I was okay, but her husband was kind enough to pop up one of those orange nylon cones indicating it was slippery.

This is just one of my Walmart stories. They are all true, unfortunately. It's a wonder I ever go back. Still, if you're gonna tag along, you better have thick skin or a dang-good sense of humor.

I swear, and I forgot lightbulbs again!!! #$%*@#!!!