Profiled at "the Walgreens"

I couldn't decide which emotion to feel just now leaving Walgreens: humor or insecurity?

You know those machines at the checkout register that spit out (more like vomit) those coupons? One day it cranked out SIX coupons, with a line of impatient people behind me. The cashier kind of guilts you into waiting around for them, and I really like to do my part to keep peer pressure alive, so I stood right there like a doofus until it was done. With the exception of an occasional "$1.00 OFF" they are never for the products that I actually use. For example, you buy milk and get a coupon for bunyun pads. I've often wondered why they are so random and polar.

And then there was today's trip: vitamins. Lots and lots of vitamins. Last night when I couldn't sleep, I used my time to research vitamins for this and that. I have self-diagnosed a biotin deficiency (thank you, internet.) I found a great hair, nail and skin formula and since they had lots of others on BOGO sale, I stocked up on iron tablets. I guess that was the OLD LADY vitamin-combo jackpot, because that stupid machine gave me three coupons, none of which were for vitamins.
I got one for HAIR COLOR -- because Coupon Machine Programmer assumes if I'm on a supplement binge I'm getting gray, too? One for ADULT DIAPERS -- because if I'm graying, surely I must be "lauging and leaking"? And finally, one for CAT TREATS -- because if I'm gray and wetting myself, certainly I live with a house full of cats??

I really need to write a letter of complaint, but one of those three is correct. :P

DPG